Mentorship, Missteps, and the Middle Seat

How to lead with grace when hierarchies, loyalties, and good intentions collide

In today’s matrixed organizations, influence travels in unconventional ways - diagonally, informally, and sometimes through invisible corridors of personal loyalty. This creates - or more accurately, complicates an already existing - leadership challenge: How do you exercise influence without authority - on juniors who don't report to you and seniors who don't directly supervise your work.

Here are three things I’ve learned as a senior leader navigating exactly that terrain:

1. When feedback skips the rightful owner, don’t take it personally - respond structurally

In matrixed, small, evolving organizations and teams, colleagues will give feedback about your work to the person they’re closest to or sometimes to another senior leader even when the work lies elsewhere. When that feedback triggers escalation, it can feel like your work is being undermined or worse, you are being punished without context.

In one case, I had been improving an orientation program in phases. A junior colleague shared feedback with her direct manager instead of me. That feedback - already actioned in part - got elevated into a ‘priority project’ overnight, with my peers looped in. I took it in stride, but I also clarified what had already been done and what was planned.

What to do:

• Stay calm.

• Clarify facts with data or timelines.

• Reflect on the issue as a shared opportunity for improvement rather than a failing on your part.

• Use the feedback as wind beneath your wings - to fuel your projects rather than headwinds.

• Most of the times, the feedback can serve as an evidence to iterate improvements and a platform to involve a wider audience / stakeholder group. That's an opportunity to increase influence.

• Focus on impact, but don't lose the sight of the intent. When we operate in fuzzy spaces, sometimes people misstep because they don't know any better.

  
  

2. When your influence is reframed as interference, establish new ground rules

Ever joined a new, evolving team and felt that the boundaries of your role were fuzzy? You think something is not your remit and you're told you're not taking ownership. Or when you do, you're told you're interfering or overstepping? You're not alone.

In one case, as a part of a larger behavioural training program, I designed a session on translating vision into actionable steps because nothing towards this end existed in the organization. When I showcased it to some of the leaders, I was told I was overstepping my bounds and the remit for work related to vision, culture, etc. lay with another colleague.

Here's what to do:

• Identify stakeholder group whose buy-in is critical.

• Discuss your ideas with this stakeholder group before execution to gauge alignment.

• Record the buy-in. Execute ruthlessly.

• Throw the ball in their court. When faced with resistance, ask "how can we make this happen?" Document it.

3. Remember: You might be in the middle seat but you’re not “middle management.” You shape the culture - directly.

When you hold senior functional ownership but don’t directly manage everyone you influence, it’s tempting to feel caught in the middle. But you’re not. You are modelling a culture of trust, grace, and accountability - even if at times you feel that others aren’t.

In one case, I got a business request for a program for another geography. I kept the stakeholders informed and delivered it. However, to my surprise, after the program, I got a feedback that the stakeholders weren't looped in. I provided the evidence of keeping them informed and asked clarifying questions on what "keeping them looped in" meant. This turned out to be a case of them "barking up the wrong tree".

What to do:

• Lead quietly but firmly. The higher up you are in hierarchy, the louder your actions and behaviours are.

• Prefer coaching over correcting. Give grace to people - it is unbecoming to be accusatory even when others may be at fault.

• Avoid escalating unless reputational risk is at play - most missteps are just learning moments in disguise. However, do document those missteps privately - not to use against anyone, but to track recurring issues.

• Assert authority when necessary by asking the clarifying questions and laying our assumptions.

As leaders, we’re not just responsible for what we deliver - we’re also responsible for how we respond when others fumble. Especially those who are still learning the dance of corporate communication or trying to find clarity in chaos.

What are some challenges you have faced in your climb up the corporate ladder? Share in the comments below.

Sitting on my desk, tackling challenges of the day. Photo by Ritika Raj.